Even When I Don’t Understand

There are things in our life that will never make sense from an earthly/temporal perspective. It may be something smaller like a potential job falling through, your child not getting the scholarship they needed for college, or your car breaking down. It may be something bigger like a spouse’s infidelity, financial hardships, or a death of a loved one. We all encounter things in our life that do not make sense. These hardships may even test your faith. Whatever it may be, it is not for nothing. God is bigger than any hardship or mess in our lives. I say this not as a platitude but as a testimony. 

At the age of five, I was sexually abused. For years I did not understand 1) the magnitude of its effects on my life and 2) why such evil things happen in this world. For 25 years, I kept the horrible events in my life a secret. This secret darkened my perspective on the way I saw myself, my relationships, and my view of God. It was not until one evening at a women’s ministry retreat in March 2014 that I surrendered all my hurts, questions, and shame to God and found unwavering trust again in Him. God took a wound, opened it up, cleaned it out, and healed it so my focus shifted from the hardships and pain to His good plan. 

In the years to follow, I found a renewed strength to trust Him fully and freely. It was only after I surrendered to His plan, that He called me to ministry. My story is a big part of who I am and where God has placed me to serve. God can redeem anything, if we only place our full trust in Him - even if we don’t fully understand. 

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Lord, thank You for Your sovereignty and Your plans for me. Help me to keep my eyes on You so I can place my full trust in Your wisdom. There is no hardship or pain that is too big for You to redeem. Thank You for Your steadfast love and provision. May my hope be fully anchored in you. Amen.